"Well 'HO' Your Own Self!!"

Just when you thought "political correctness" couldn't possibly become any more absurd... Date Line: Australia. The Daily Telegraph in London, England has reported that an Australian recruitment company, charged with the responsibility of screening and hiring dozens of in-store St. Nick's for the up-coming Christmas season, has ventured well beyond assuring that these imitation jolly men aren't closet ax murderers, but has inserted an additional edict in this year's edition of policies and procedures for Santa Claus conduct.

Are you ready for this? All St. Nicks have been directed not to utter the age-old "Ho, Ho, Ho" belly laugh. Why? (Mind you this is happening in Australia) Because this word is "too similar to the American slang word for a female prostitute." (I'm waiting a bit to let that sink in...)

I would love to meet the person or persons who formulated this preposterous policy so that I could once again unsheathe my trusty and highly reliable cast iron avenging skillet and gleefully (in the spirit of the season) "Bonk" each and everyone of them soundly across the back of their obviously empty skulls. This is so idiotic that it defines any attempt at rationalization. What could possibly be next in this head-long and maddening excursion into political correctness? Perhaps banning Santa Claus from wearing his traditional red suit for fear that some other idiot of even lesser intelligence would suggest that that color is also the color that is associated with a "red light" district. Can't you just see it? Dozens of Santas dressed in Madras?

Fortunately there have been many good citizens in Australia, who possess even a molecule of common sense, that have risen in mass objection to voice their vehement rejection of such a silly pronouncement: stating that those whom the policy is designed to protect are, after all, only children, and wouldn't (or shouldn't) have any fore-knowledge of the word "Ho" in triplicate of having or implying any other connotation but one of joyous merriment. Why am I amazed that such an explanation and leap of common sense would even require further justification?

On the other hand, should some few adventurous and perhaps amorous Mothers decide themselves to climb on Santa's lap, perhaps the restriction of Santa's in-kind remarks of apprecation might best be in order. I'm only saying. Santa...let's be careful out there.