Trouble In Kenneth City!!

Kenneth City is back in the local news this week and doesn't really care to be there. I previously highlighted this postage stamp sized community in my blog entry dated June 27th and titled, "You're Kidding Me...That's It!?!" With only 4,400 citizens residing within the city limits measuring just 7/10th of a square mile, every one's business becomes every one's business.

The latest city-wide squabble is centered upon the feathered fowl pictured above: the Muscovy Duck. This particular breed is the beet of the duck world: you either love them or hate them. There's no middle ground. As far as "good looks" go, these birds rank on a scale from one to ten a minus three. Their indiscriminate breeding give minks a run for their money, their personalities are in a word "aggressive," and their appetites voracious. It is the "end result" of this latter attribute that is causing the turmoil in Kenneth City. Seems flocks of the Muscovy Ducks are leaving their calling cards in large deposits upon the lawns of those citizens that are anything but enamored with these unwelcome gifts for free fertilizer.

Into the fray enters the the city fathers and mothers of the Kenneth City Town Council. Their solution? Propose an ordinance that bans the feeding of wild animals on private property. On first blush this proposed solution sounds reasonable until one focuses on the words "private property." "Release the hounds, Mable. There's blood in the water!" The good but bewildered Mayor, Muriel Whitman, trying her best to smooth the increasing number of rumpled feathers, quipped that she doesn't hate ducks, thinks they are "cute," but need to stay on the ponds and in the wild where they belong. Adding further, "When people feed them, they congregate and irate some homeowners because of the mess they leave behind." Thank you Mayor for stating the obvious.

Not everyone shares the Mayor's sentiments, especially since no one to date has thus far mastered Muscovy and thus convince them to remain "out of sight, out of mind." Said one city resident, "The proposal interferes with the rights of homeowners, who should be able to toss bread to the ducks" on their own property. See? I told you this was going to get messy. Said one of the more outspoken opponents to the new ordinance, "The wording of the ordinance covers all wild animals. That means bird feeders - human and contraptions - would be banned, as would the tossing of a nut to a squirrel." Them's fighting words, Harvey!

The final consideration of the ordinance comes before the Town Council this Wednesday evening. I'm seriously considering giving up my Bingo night to witness the may lay that is sure to break out. And you thought that Iran threatening to develop a nuclear weapon was a major crisis. Oh contrair, mon ami. Mused Mayor Whitman, dejectedly, "I really don't need this. I wish we could please everyone." I think I hear Rodney King lamenting in the background, "Why can't we all just get along?" When private property rights and Muscovy Ducks intermingle in Kenneth city, fat chance.