Friday, February 26

"Bite This!!"

"Charade" That's the word I finally settled on after contemplating the sum total of what transpired at yesterday's health care summit. "Charade: an absurdly false or pointless act or situation." Not unlike a fixed horse race, anyone with a shred of common sense knew before hand to bet the mortgage on the obvious result of this colossal waste of time.

The script of the proceedings was a predictable as a sunrise. The Democrats, lead by plaintive in chief, Barack Obama, opened the summit by reading excerpts from several letters forwarded to his attention that were employed to illustrate the dire straits of thousands of Americans who are allegedly suffering immeasurably from a lack of health insurance and thus emphasizing the urgent need for Congress to get down to the business of passing a comprehensive health care bill...the Democrats health care bill. Aside for stating the obvious, that the health care system in America is broken, this exercise had the underlying motive to set the stage to portray the Republicans in attendance as uncaring, heartless, "do nothing" bureaucrats, who collectively could give a rat's rear end about the plight of the average American. For the Democrats, this type of theater is, in the end, best defined as delivering heavy on assumption rather than clarifying substance.

Enter stage left, representative Louise Slaughter (Democrat - New York), who, in incredulous tones of shocked disbelief, delivered her singular example of why the Democrat's version of health care reform is the only viable means to extricate American from is current malaise. "I had one constituent - you would not believe this, and I know you won't, but it's true - her sister died. This poor woman had no dentures - she wore her dead sister's teeth, which were uncomfortable, did not fit. Did you ever believe that in America that that's where we would be?" I'm surprised there wasn't a dry eye in the room after that sob story. Assuming that the endless stories of gloom and doom are not in part total fabrications, the obvious answer that would be quickly attested to by everyone in that conference room and equally so by every citizen in America who heard this pitiful story is clearly "No."

That being said, here's the bottom line. Cut out all of the sob stories. Enough already! Americans are acutely aware that the sum total of health care in this country is completely out of control. It is either monetarily unobtainable for far too many, has too many restrictions, and is destined to bankrupt completely America's already floundering economy. We need health care reform...period. What we don't need is a bunch of entrenched demagogues sitting around a conference table or meandering the halls of Congress devoted to the unending quest of bolstering their own political partisanship and career longevity. This attitude of "Do it my way or else," has done nothing but enrage the electorate who have reduced Obama's job approval rating into the 40 percentile and Congress to the all time low of 10%. 49% of polled Americans have voiced the opinion that it would be better if the President and Congress did absolutely nothing than to pass the health care reform bill that is presently languishing in the Senate. Based on the outcome of yesterday's travesty, it appears that our so-called elected leaders are well on the way to accomplishing that goal. As a result the American people are the ultimate losers, being held captive by an ineffectual collection of bickering hostiles.

Given the opportunity to yet again witness another colossal waste of time as was the ultimate result of yesterday's health care summit, I'd sooner spend six hours glued to my television watching Olympic curling. That at least displays some semblance of dedicated activity. But to what end, I have no idea.

Friday, February 5



Dateline: Miami. An unexpected pall has today suddenly and most unexpectedly befallen the multitudes of heretofore rapturous fans who were in full party mode in preparation for this Sunday's Super Bowl. Cupid, the nymph-like mythological god of erotic love and beauty, was found dead this morning, shot through the back with one of his own arrows.

Miami's renowned Crime Scene Investigation (CSI) team, capably spearheaded (pardon the pun) by Lieutenant Horation "H" Caine, were immediately summoned to the crime scene to ascertain the particulars surrounding this most bazaar and heinous crime.

Mr. Wolfe: "Ain't this a kettle of shrimp!?! Cupid, dead as a carp!"

"H:" "Indeed, Mr. Wolfe. Your powers of observation become more acute with each new case. Alexx, can you pinpoint the T.O.D. and probable cause of death?"

Alexx Woods: "Well 'H,' by the amount of rigor that has set in and the temperature of his liver, I'd say the time of death was pretty close to 22 minutes and 16 seconds past the hour of 10 p.m. last night. As for the cause of death, I think we can safely assume it wasn't self-inflicted."

"H:" "Ah Alexx, let's be very careful to be guided only by the forensic evidence in the case. Remember last year when we assumed the Easter Bunny had been murdered by a disgruntled rival bunny trying to hone in on the Easter Bunny's territory, only to discover that our victim had choked on a wad of self-inflicted jelly beans."

Alexx: "True 'H,' but the fact that his bow and quiver of arrows is missing from the crime scene, I'd say the chances of Cupid, here, having the wherewithal to run himself through and through, front to back, with one of his own arrows is about as good as this show has of winning an Emmy. Of course, that's just my highly educated opinion."

"H:" "Careful there, Alexx. Let's try to keep in mind who is the undisputed star of this show. Mr. Wolfe, if you can wipe that horrified look off of your face, I want you to get back to the crime lab and see if you can lift any latent prints off of this note and the shaft of the arrow. And before you go, make sure you clean up that mess where you threw up. This ain't your first rodeo, buckaroo."

Alexx: "What do you think the note means, 'H,' 'No, I won't be your valentine?'"

"H:" "It means, Alexx, Love ain't all it's cracked up to be, but I'm gonna prove whoever did this dastardly deed wrong!"

Super Bowl and CBS officials have expressed sincere condolences at the passing of this well known and loved icon, but have vowed that the game will go on as scheduled. A CBS representative, who commented on the condition of anonymity, said that the NFL is taking "added precautions" to assure that no harm will come to the players, fans or dignitaries attending the game. "It never crossed our minds that we would cancel the game. Are you kidding me!?! We're charging 3 millions dollars for a 30-second commercial! We don't care if the President of Hallmark Cards chokes on chocolate covered bon-bons while sitting in his luxury box. The game is going on as scheduled!"

Miami P.D. has promised to release further details related to the continuing investigation of the crime as they become available. "We are confident that Lieutenant Caine and his CSI team will get to the bottom of this terrible incident before the last commercial break."

"Spoil Sport..."

"Well, excrement deleted!" (I am trying to stay away from the word "CRAP!!") Just when I was about to put a down payment on this little dingy pictured at left, along comes our imperial President, Mr. Obama, to put the squashola on that idea. Seems he is suddenly concerned that we ignorant folks out here in the hinterland, who lack the mental marbles to manage our personal finances, are prone to make impulse purchases when prudence (and a lack of a full time job) might dictate otherwise.

"When times are tough, you tighten your belts. You don't go buying a boat when you can barely pay your mortgage. And you don't blow a bunch of cash on Vegas when you're trying to save for college." Thank you, Mr. President. Going to Las Vegas for a fun-filed week of uninhibited binge spending at the roulette table was the very next thing on my list after I made sure I had put enough money aside to purchase groceries this week.

Apparently Mr. Obama's attempt at making a cogent comment about personal financial responsibility was done so sans his usual reliance on a prepared text and his ever faithful crutch, the TelePrompter. I thought our last President had a sever case of foot-in-mouth, so regularly (and comically) inept was Mr. Bush in doing battle with the English language. But dear God in Heaven, at least George wasn't trying to deliberately impress everyone that he was the smartest and cleverest man in the room. Obama, on the other more disturbing hand, seems enamored with the illusion that he is not only the most intelligent and sharp-witted individual in the room, but that his espoused words are so eloquent and profound that they instantly turn tap water into vintage wine.

The last people President Obama should be lecturing about fiscal responsibility is the average Joe and Josephine American, they/we who can only stand by in abject disbelief as Congress raises the nation's spending debt limit to yet more out-of-this-universe heights and he puts forth a proposed Federal budget for 2011 of $3.8 trillion dollars, in spite of the fact that estimated revenues from collected taxes will fall 1.56 trillion dollars short of balancing the budget. Don't look now, but this continuation of spending money we don't have lunacy has already shackled every man, woman and child in this country to a personal debt responsibility of $10,00 per person! Buy a boat? Go to Vegas? Are you kidding me! If this keeps up, we'll all be lucky if the average middle American can afford to purchase a pack of chewing gum.

By all means, Mr. President, you keep climbing up on every available rostrum and use it as your bully pulpit to lecture America on what a terrific job you and the Democrat Congress are doing to be fiscally conscientious. I'm all ears...