"It's Official!!"

Finally, the results are in. Yesterday's Sunday edition of the "Neighborhood Times" devoted an entire page to the plight of the Muscovy ducks in Kenneth City. They lost...as well as all the other "wild animals" that now have the misfortune to list their home address in that burg.

With only one dissenting vote, the following ordinance was placed into law by the Town Council: "It shall be unlawful for any person in town to feed or distribute grain or food of any kind or nature to any wild flocks of birds, fowl, including chickens or ducks, livestock or mammals of any kind or nature, whether or not they tend to assemble or herd themselves together in a concentrated area."

Fifteen residents spoke before the Council to voice their opposition to the ordinance, many carrying copies of the yard signs that had been planted all over town that read "Attention Kenneth City Hall, I Support Muscovy Ducks. Respect My Property Rights." To add visual interest there was also a nice little silhouette at the bottom of the placard of a Mama duck and three ducklings trailing behind. One of the female dissenters, known locally as the "duck lady," spoke passionately in defense of the Muscovy ducks, citing God and a Hitler reference pretty much in the same breath. So concerned was the council members that the hearing would be contentious that they placed a Kenneth City police officer at the back of the room and the "acting" chief seated himself conspicuously to one side of the dais. No mention in the news article was made as to whether or not either officer was wearing a flak jacket or who was patrolling the rest of the town while their entire police department was in attendance at the meeting. On the opposite side of the question attempting to bolster the proponent's side of the debate, council member Al Carrier read an excerpt from a brochure issued by PETA that said it was cruel to feed wild animals. He failed to also read the brochure's follow up statement that pronounced that once animals have gotten use to being fed, it is equally cruel to stop doing so. Convenient omission.

So, what's next? Bird feeder patrols and no doubt a petition "to throw the bums out of office," would be my guess. It wouldn't surprise me to see one or two of the more adamantly opposed citizens to defy the new ordinance by throwing caution to the wind along with hands full of bird seed just to test the laws validity. Headline: Kenneth City - "Duck Lady" Jailed Kicking And Screaming." I smell a court test in the offing. I'll keep you posted on further developments.

In the mean time, I think I'll take a ride over to Kenneth City this afternoon to see if any of God's animal creatures are heading out of town with their belongings tucked under their wings.