"IDIOT!!'

I'm not allowed to say "IDIOT!!" anymore. This word is now to be removed from my daily vocabulary. I was informed of this decision by my wife, Judi, who has declared that the word is "offensive to her." Political correctness has come home to roost on my shoulder.

Not that I have ever spoken that derogatory epithet to her or about her. She is indeed a highly intelligent woman and conducts her life in a well reasoned and a detailed "cause and effect" manner. No, it is not that I have directed this diatribe toward her, but have repeatedly spewed it forth in her presence toward those persons who do some idiotic thing to annoy the crap out of me. My tone of utter disdain is what causes her discomfort.

According to my wife, "It's not fair that you categorize a person in that manner when you don't know them personally." On the surface that is a fair statement. Fact of the manner is, if they continue to do the idiotic things that they do, I don't care to become acquainted. Nevertheless, I must agree that a momentary lost of rational thought resulting in a less than brilliant reaction does not necessarily assign them automatically into duncehood. Still, it seems to me that assigning them with a harmless label would be preferable to having me exit my car and "bonking" them across the back of their head with my cast iron avenging skillet! It has now been made pointedly apparent to me that neither option is preferable.

I am now only permitted to comment on their behavior, i.e., "That person in that car over there, who had on their left turn signal and then turned right in front of our car, must be suffering from a debilitating and delusional thought process!" According to Judi that's "okay" because I'm classifying their behavior and not impugning their character. Seems to me to be a rather narrow distinction between the two, if you ask me. But, if my dear wife truly believes this type of behavior on my part lessens her overall respect for me as a person, I'll give it a shot and do my best to forgo the utilization of that particular word. It won't be easy. There's a lot of (fill in the blank") out there.