"Peak-A-Boo...I See You!!"

Anyone who has elected to utilize air travel post 911 have come to reluctantly tolerate the intrusive requirements one must endure in order to board a commercial aircraft. I have come to accept and prepare for the necessity to devoid myself of any items that I may be carrying on my person, to place those items in a tray for x-ray scrutiny, to remove my belt and my shoes if requested, and to comply with any additional requests that may be demanded so that I may pass at long last unobtrusively through the metal portal to the departure gate beyond. In the name of personal security and safety, we fellow travelers have come to accept with little protest these minor invasions of privacy. Having some additional assurance that there isn't a crazed ideologue sitting next to me intent on blowing us all out of the air so that he may be welcomed home in the afterlife by a bevy of vestal virgins is worth the few inconveniences that are imposed on my time and liberty.

As with any well-intentioned enterprise there have been reported incidences where the persons in charge of performing the security screenings have taken their procedures to extremes. Such was the case in recent months when a young lady failed the wand test due to the private fact that she was adorned with nipple rings beneath her bra. Explaining such was the case, the inspectors would not be satisfied with a visual verification of the woman's jewelry, but demanded that the implements be physically removed. To say that she was irate at such a infantile invasion of her privacy grossly understates her well justified ire. Such personal embellishments might set off an explosion of passion for her significant other, but the chances of them bringing to ground a typical passenger aircraft I would gage to be rather nil. But take heart fellow travelers. Modern technology has the answer to prevent such personal embarrassments coming in the near future to an airport near you.

I read today that the Miami International Airport has just installed the latest piece of scanning equipment; a full-body X-ray. Should this equipment be adopted industry-wide airline passengers will no longer need to undergo the embarrassment of disrobing in some overly air conditioned room to prove one is not a deranged terrorist. One may merely step into the booth fully clothed and the machine will in a blink of an eye strip the person down to their birthday suits. Now that's progress! According to the spokesperson for MIA's Transportation Security Administration, "It allows us to detect threat objects that are not metallic and that cannot be detected by metal detectors, and items that are sometimes missed even in a physical pat-down, in a non-intrusive manner." Yea right!! How many people do you and I know who would willingly permit some total stranger to ogle us in the all together to further assure that we weren't attempting to smuggle on board some illicit contraband or weapon of mass destruction? Maybe it's just me, but I'm thinking not too many.

Listen...if you want to see me sans clothes, you'd better bring your check book! I'm not free, but I am reasonable. Just ask my wife.