"Too Late Smart...Too Soon Old..."

There's nothing wrong with growing "old." The sad fact of life is when growing older is accompanied by becoming "feeble." That condition unfortunately describes Judi's Mother, Frances. Mother-In Law has succumbed to being a burden...to herself and, whether we like it or not...to Judi and me.

Yesterday afternoon I visited Frances to deliver and program the new phone we had given her as a Christmas present. She was in our home on Christmas when she opened it. Yesterday, she had no recollection of that event. I wasn't surprised. I painstakingly described in the most simplistic language how she was to operate her phone, showing her how to make and receive a call, and wrote out the instructions on how to speed dial the few numbers she calls most frequently. She practiced and I felt she understood. I was wrong.

About 10 p.m. later last evening she calls our home, talks with Judi, and says she "Doesn't understand how to use her new phone." Could she have her old phone back? I'm thinking, "She just called us. What else could she not possibly understand?" Judi told her Mom that she would come over to help her better understand. I wasn't holding out much hope that this additional training session or ten more would make any significant difference, but one does what one must to try and alleviate the difficulty of the moment.

At 11 p.m. Judi calls to say that her Mom was not feeling well and that she would stay with her a little while. At midnight Judi calls again and announces that she has called for an ambulance to take Mother to the hospital. So thoroughly frustrated and agitated did Mother become over trying to master the phone that she dissolved into a mental and physical meltdown, declaring that her head hurt so much that she felt it was "going to explode!" A battery of test were run, and other than her always elevated blood pressure, she checked out "okay." At 3:15 a.m. Judi takes Mother back to her home and arrives at our house at 3:30. Judi reports that Mother is "in fine spirits" and was ready to call it a night. We finally turn out the bedroom lights around 4 after discussing, yet again,"What are we going to do about Mother." All options are again be carefully weighted, but because of financial limitations, none offer an ideal solution. For the time being, the status quo will prevail.

I am writing this entry on the threshold of a mental fog. Mother's continuing deteriorating metal and physical health is a far greater burden on Judi than it is on me. Yet our relationship is nevertheless affected by the greater responsibilities Judi must assume. I honor Judi for her servanthood toward her Mother. But honestly, I resent her Mother for making it so. I realize that Frances cannot help her present condition. Still, her mother's ebbing life is draining Judi's. I'm guilty of not being overly thrilled about that consequence.

Frances sees her life becoming less and less viable, but in her understandable humanness, still denies it to be so. "If I could only drive my car again, I'd be less of a burden on everyone." God forbid!! That temptation was removed from her years ago. In the next breath, "I'm ready to die. I just want the Lord to take me home." Meaning no disrespect, I'm lobbying for God to grant her that wish. She has no life left here anymore. "It's time, Lord, to call her home."