What few occasions I have happened across the Doctor Phil television show I have found the content to be passively entertaining, yet disconcerting. Like many of the presently popular detective and courtroom dramas, which open with a crime committed, suspect identified, apprehended, tried and sentenced all in the allotted time frame of one hour, I know in reality that particular sequence of events may take weeks, if not months or even years to come to final resolution. That same reality of extended periods of time needed to resolve conflict or emotional distress for the parade of Dr. Phil's guest is also glaringly missing. By the conclusion of the day's broadcast, Dr. Phil has evaluated the difficulty, enlightened the individual as to the root source of the problem, established a course of remedial actions to be initiated, acquired enthusiastic agreement of all parities involved, and the hour concludes with copious amounts of sunshine being radiated throughout the studio...problem solved. Oh, were it that easy. I must, however, give the good Dr. Phil his due in one respect. He offers hope to those individuals who seek his counsel. When the world seems to crashing uncontrollably around them and they are internally exclaiming, "Whose In Charge Here?," Dr. Phil's extends a life raft of hope to which each may choose to cling and come to an affirming realization that the answer lies within their grasp.
Who among us have not encountered to varying degrees of severity disappointments in our lives that have upset the equilibrium of our emotional well-being? To be human is to experience a life of interaction in an uncertain world where our individual paths will lead eventually downward spiraling into valleys of confusion, doubt and sometimes debilitating despair. It is how each of us react to these pitfalls that define our resilience; to either embrace with hope our fate or to succumb in resignation to accept unchallenged that which we may perceive to be a fate beyond our control. I offer no ready made solutions that will guarantee a successful exit from these "shadow valleys." Well meaning but shallow platitudes offered in the hopes of providing temporary balm to an open emotional wound serves little purpose other than to discount as trivial the quagmire the recipient finds themselves immersed. "Into life a little rain must fall," or "When it's raining lemons, make lemonade" rings hollow to the individual caught in a raging storm of doubt and are up to their necks and sinking fast in a sea of lemon juice.
So where does one turn to find relief and hope in the face of despair? There is no simple answers. Time plays the biggest factor. Quick fixes are notoriously imperfect and for the most part ineffective. They only serve to delay effective resolution at best if not compound the problem more significantly. Come to the realization that it will take time for your soul to heal from the wounds that have been afflicted upon it. You must commit yourself to allowing whatever time may be required to pass which will give you either the peace you seek or the strength to endure. Some personal tragedies never completely heal and there may yet remain emotional scars to serve as painful reminders of such events. The loss of a dear loved one under any circumstance evoke such sad and lasting memories. That is to be expected and accepted as reality. To expect that a person should eventually "get over" such tragedies in an arbitrarily defined period of time is not only unrealistic, it is inhumanely insensitive. Grief should never be defined by time elapsed. It is too personal to be so limited and encumbered.
Determine that you will share your burdens as much as you can over a period of time with another person who is truly committed to your well-being. Do not try to "go it alone." There are kindred souls who have traveled the same paths as have you, who will be able to offer much more than pacifying words of advice, and into their hearts you may pour your own.
Be willing to seek and accept professional help; a pastor, or a recognized support group that has an affinity for your particular concern, or a certified mental health professional, or any combination of the aforementioned. These types of individuals and closely defined groups have established successful means and methods through which you may begin to regain your sense of mental equilibrium. Each of these entities can promise a portion of the means by which you can again obtain a more purposeful quest to re-energize your life, but you alone hold the key. The willingness to do so lies solely with you and the resignation that the better days you seek will not dawn over night. It will take time and you must be willing to give it the time necessary to affect the desired change in your perspective.
Finally, but most importantly, you should seek a power of persuasion that lies beyond human purview. For me it is my trust in the one and true God of the universe. It not for me to question God why disappointment may come to reside in my otherwise well-ordered life. For I know that God is not the author of sadness, but the unquenchable depository of hope, peace and joy. I may indeed pass through my own personal valleys of confusion and despair, but I do not travel that dark path alone. I know that God is with me and will nor abandon me. The secular world may view this dependency as an inability for me to right my own ship. I know it rather to be an anchor to which I may cling when sought after distant shores appear to be beyond my reach. Sometimes God quiets the raging storm and sometimes He calms the child in the storm. In the storms of your life I would recommend grasping firmly to the anchor chain that is God. He will get you through the storms of life if you allow Him to come on board. The ship can be mighty empty and lonely without Him. Sail on and may peace be your destination. Say hello to Dr. Phil along the way...
