The last couple of weeks have brought the news that several personalities of note have passed from life into the niches of our collective memories. Ed McManhon of "Here's Johnny!" fame, Farah Fawcett, iconic poster babe and one of the trio of Charlie's Angel's, Michael Jackson, the undisputed "King of Pop" and equally undisputed King of Weird, and finally, Billy Mays, "King of the Yell and Sell" infomercials, who passed away this weekend at the age of 50 in his home in Tampa, Florida. As a society compulsively obsessed with the tinsel-tinged lives of celebrity, we make special note of each individual of notoriety not so much for what and who each was in life, but as a milestone to gage where we are in life. When a personality dies, we cannot help but peak over our own shoulders and compare our road to mortality with theirs. It is not unlike checking daily the obituaries in our local newspaper to see if anyone we know has gone on to the great beyond and silently being thankful that the bell with our name on it has yet to be rung.
And then there are the lesser know lights who, upon their final exhaled breath, fail to make even a ripple in the collective conscience of the world audience. One such obscure personality, who just recently cashed in his chips at age 92, is Mr. John Joseph Houghtaling (pronounced "HUFF-tay-ling," (for those of you keeping score). You may not know the name, but if you grew up in the 60's, 70's and 80's you may have some familiarity (some to a larger degree than perhaps others) with his titillating invention...the vibrating bed, otherwise known in the industry of Mom & Pop hoteliers as Magic Fingers.
The initial introduction of Magic Fingers was inauspicious at best, consisting of a too small motor connected to a flimsy wire box spring box mattress, which was at best inconsistent in reliable performance. ("Quit feeding the bed money, Herb! I can't hear the TV!") John Joseph was not to be deterred, however, in his quest to put the Magic Fingers vibrating bed in every hotel and motel room in America. Undaunted, Houghtaling returned to the drawing board to refine his product, determined to cash in on an anticipated avalanche of quarters from curious motel guests. The next iteration turned out to be much more successful, permitting guests to purchase for twenty-five cents 15 minutes of "luxurious shaking." Before selling his company in 1980, Houghtaling had marketed over $1 million of the devices that were consistently generating $2 million dollars in sales a month. That's a lot of quarters and "a whole bunch of shaking goin' on." Alas, over the last couple of decades Magic Fingers has all but disappeared from all but a few obscure motel and hotel rooms. Thieves discovered that the coin boxes were easy targets, and soon thereafter weekly profits began to very steadily decline to the point where maintenance costs over-shadowed profit. Pity...
Imagine the myriad of stories that no doubt could be told by the thousands of patrons who embarked on that first 15 minutes of vibrating luxury...
"Did you feel the earth move, Edwina?" "No, Billy Bob... Put another quarter in the coin box and we'll give it another go!"
A finer man could not have come out of Kansas City, Missouri on November 16, 1916 than one Mr. John Joseph Houghtaling. Inventor, entrepreneur, a man with a dream to give new meaning to the word relaxation. Rest in peace, my good man. It's your turn.
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