"Flittering Away My Day..."

This week is a down week for me employment-wise. Last week I put in a whopping sixteen and a half hours at my "as needed" employer. But this week they've got nothing for me to do, so I'm home taking care of a few domestic chores. Presently I am waiting on the "cable guy," who informed me that he would be at my residence "Promptly between noon and 2 p.m." I just love punctuality!

We just recently purchased a replacement "All-In-One," printer, scanner, and fax machine to replace the one that started to smoke like it had a piece of toast stuck in it. All the functions on the new piece of equipment works perfectly except the fax. I, being pretty adept at figuring out how a piece of electronic equipment works, unpacked the printer, followed all of the instructions on how to set it up, which included how to configure the fax component. Wouldn't fax. Referred back to the trouble shooting checklist sheet that suggested I check to assure that the phone jack into which the fax is connected is a functioning outlet. In other words, "Does it have a dial tone?" Answer" "No." Action plan: Call phone and cable provider and request customer service.

Placed Call: Rings and rings and rings... (Global warming, world hunger and a half-dozen other catastrophic issues all solved before phone call is finally answered by...)

Electronic Answering Voice: "Hello!" (A cheery female voice proceeds to supply a list of menu items that each may be accessed by pressing the appropriate numbered key.) Ten minutes later I am left with the only choice that made sense, "Other - Press 1.")

Electronic Answering Voice: "Thank you. I will promptly connect you with one of our helpful customer service representatives. And remember, we here at______ are dedicated to providing you with only the very best customer service in the industry. Please hold. Our customer representative will be with you shortly."

Me: While being entertained (?) by obnoxious elevator music , Chrysler and General Motors work their way out of bankruptcy and evolve once again to become the world's leader in motorized rickshaws. Then I hear...

Customer Service Representative: "Hello!" How may I be of service to you?"

Me: I very carefully and succinctly explain my dilemma in great detail, including how I carefully followed the trouble shooting check list that came with the equipment and discovered that the phone jack has no dial tone.

CSR: "How is that possible?"

Me: "You're asking me!?!"

CSR: "Well, Mr. Latchford, our company doesn't supply wall jacks."

Me: "Well CSR, that makes two of us...and when we switched over to your service, your technician installed the present wall jack, which I reiterate, it isn't working now."

CSR: "Are you sure it was one of our technicians?"

Me: "If the fact that he arrived in one of your company's trucks, was wearing one of your company's issued shirts with your company's logo on it is of any consequence, let me hazard a wild-ass guess and say 'Yes!'"

CSR: "Well, Mr. Latchford, we don't have to get snippy!"

Me: "I would prefer to use the word, 'irritated,' but snippy will suffice just as well."

CSR: "I understand your frustration, Mr. Latchford. Let me schedule one of our technicians to swing by your place and see if he can't resolve the problem. Would that be agreeable to you?"

Me: "May I assume that he too will be driving one of your company's trucks and wearing one of your company shirt with your spiffy company logos sewed on it?" I don't want there to be any further confusion in the matter. And the answer to your question is "Yes."

CSR: (Grumbling in the background...) CSR proceeds to provide me with a list of several two-hour blocks of time in which the technician will be available to make a service call, and then says, "Well, you should be informed that should our technician discover that the phone jack is not a piece of our equipment, then there most likely will be an additional labor and material charge."

Me: "Does the phrase 'Over my dead body!' strike a familiar cord with you?"

CSR: "Well, Mr. Latchford, that is a matter that you will have to take up with the technician."

Me: "I'm sure that we can come to some satisfactory conclusion to this matter of disagreement, mono-a-mono."

CSR: "What?"

Me: "Never mind."

The technician arrived about an hour ago. He took one look at the in question wall-mounted phone jack and said, "Who put in this piece of crap?"

Me: "Take a guess. By-the-way, I like your shirt."

Technician: Puzzled look...

Bottom line... The technician acknowledged that the phone jack was indeed initially installed by a previous company technician, and he proceeded to replace the defective wail jack with a new and functioning one...at no charge. Upon his departing, I made the inquiry...

Me: "Do you happen to know your company's customer service representative, _____?"

Technician: "Yes. Why?

Me: "Nothing important... Just give her my best regards."

That now accomplished I can move on to calling the manufacturer of our refrigerator and make inquiry as to why our ice making machine is no longer working. Wish me luck.