Winter is fast approaching at McMurdo Station, Antarctica. The final sunset is just days away and the arduous task of supplying the station for the sunless months are in their final stages. Since the next sunrise heralding the slow arrival of summer will not peak the horizon until August 20th, copious amounts of basic sustaining staples have been arriving daily at the station. Aside from the milk and cookies that will be consumed by the skeleton crew of 125 scientists and support staff that are assigned to man the station in the coming months, a very special order is to be shipped on one of the final airplanes scheduled to land on the icy runway: 16,500 prophylactics. (And here I thought that the most pressing issue of the last few days was getting that toilet repaired on the International Space Station.)
According to the Reuters news release, this shipment of condoms represents a full year's supply and will be distributed "free of charge" upon request in order to reduce personal embarrassment from having to purchase them since, according to Station Manager, Bill Henriksen, "...everybody knows everyone and it becomes a little bit uncomfortable." With 16,500 condoms at the ready, I dare say that the level of interpersonal relationships has risen to a point decidedly above being merely passing acquaintances.
Let's do the math, shall we? Assuming that there is perhaps close to an equal number of males and females wintering at the station, that works out to 62.5 males and 62.5 females. Since that's an uneven number, there is going to be some poor male or female soul who will need to work extra hard on developing their relationship skills or else be prepared to spend a great deal of the coming sunless winter days in the library. Now, if we make an assumption that there are 63 males verse 62 females, then each male has an allotment of approximately 262 condoms! It should be noted, to be fair and accurate, that the population of the station swells (pardon the pun) to approximately 1000 personnel. If half of those folks are of the male persuasion, then the 500 males have at their disposal 33 condoms. A more reasonable number, unless one has been married for more than five years...then 33 condoms becomes a lifetime supply. Whether the number is 33 or 262, it is safe to assume that more is going on in the frozen wastelands of McMurdo Station than scientific experimentation. If that's what it takes to keep up the morale of those good folks confined by the bitter cold and the prolonged period of darkness, then have at it. It would certainly lift my spirits to know that I had something to look forward to than just labeling test tubes.
No mention was made in the news article that along with the condoms there was also a shipment of "little blue pills." I always heard that cold had an adverse effect on male performance. Perhaps the environment at McMurdo Station precludes that particular short-coming. Let's hope so. Otherwise, that's a lot of prophylactics going to waste.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste. I just proved it.
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