"The ABCs Of Complacency..."

June 1st marks the commencement of another six month long hurricane season. Apparently not wishing to miss even a single day of the 183 allotted to this weather phenomena, Mother Nature has already introduced "Arthur" as Act One as a pretense of what may herald a very active storm season to come.

Next on the list of names to be tagged to future 2008 hurricanes is a lady named Bertha. There are just some names which inadvertently invoke mental images of the person with that moniker. Bertha is such a name. I have yet to meet and associate with a female with that particular name. In my mind I see a noticeably large woman bordering on obese who is wearing an embarrassingly loose fitting housecoat lounging sloppily on a shopworn couch painting her toenails a hideous iridescent shade of pink, slugging down hand fulls of chocolates while gazing blankly at the latest episodes of the daily television soaps. Not a pretty picture. When Bertha is birthed as the next named storm, I prefer that she not lumber across the Caribbean, but flit like a ballerina and dance off stage left without so much as a fare-the-well.

Next in line is a gentleman named Cristobal. Probably a nod to ethnic political correctness. Fourth is Dolly. I envision two images when I hear the name Dolly (pun inadvertent, but humorously appreciated nevertheless). One is the genetically engineered lamb of recent years and Dolly Parton, who looks like she has two lambs vying for dominance beneath the ample folds of her blouse. Dolly Parton is a sweet lady. I hope her namesake storm immolates that same exact personality.

And so the list progresses with Edouard next in line, followed by Fay, then Gustav, Hanna, Ike, etc., until the list winds up with Wilfred, a bookworm with a retiring personality. If you, like me, live anywhere close to a sub-tropical coastline that has a notoriety of being frequented by these ladies and gentlemen of destruction, you are hoping that you never have the opportunity to make their up close and personal acquaintance. The possibility that none of theses future named storms will pose a threat of some imminent danger is a bet that no gambler would even consider placing a wager on. Nothing would please me more, as well as the thousands upon thousands of my fellow Floridians, than to have a repeat of last summer's hurricane season...ending up well below the initial season-opening predictions. But it only takes one to ruin one's day and all one's earthly possessions. Once again we are keeping a wary eye to the east through the end of November, hoping, if not fervently praying, that this year's hurricane storm alphabet will expend all of their pent up fury well out to sea. I'll take my Dolly in the soft and voluptuous variety, thank you very much.