"Where's My Skillet When I Need It?"

I have decided that Mississippi Congressman Bennie Thompson is most deserving of a resounding "Bonk!" on the top of his skull from my trusty cast iron avenging skillet! The woefully misguided Thompson, Democratic Chair of the House Homeland Security Committee, instructed his staff members to receive inoculation and immunization vaccinations for hepatitis A and B, among other commutable diseases, prior to traveling on fact-finding trips to the recent NASCAR events in Talladega, Alabama and Charlotte, North Carolina. Apparently "NASCAR Cooties" is a disease of dire consequence.

I need to clarify that I am not by any stretch of the imagination a "die hard" NASCAR fan. I only occasionally watch a televised scheduled event when there isn't an alternative professional football game or golf tournament to lull me to sleep on a Sunday afternoon. Off hand I can, if asked, name several of the more prominent drivers, their respective car numbers, their team sponsors, and, if pressed, take a stab at the automobile manufacturers each represents. I have attended in past years only two races, one in Daytona Beach and the other at the season ending race in Homestead, Florida. I enjoyed both, but continuing to do so is not on my short list of things to pursue again.

What grips my tail about this inoculation debacle is Representative Thompson's ignorant insensitivity and reckless arrogance...and you know how I rail against arrogance. (Bonk!! Bennie...there's one for starters!) Although the voiced reason for sending his staffers to these two large NASCAR events, "to study health issues at events involving mass gatherings," has acceptable and reasonable motives, to suggest, however, by inference that by doing so he was exposing his employees to the scourge of social disease among the thousand of event attendees lacks even minuscule rationalization. As may be predicted, Bennie lamely defended his ill-advised remarks by suggesting that they were (here's a shocker) "taken out of context and maliciously blown out of proportion." Bonk!! Here's the deal, Bennie. If you keep on opening your unguarded trap, flies are going to go exploring and feast on the crap that keeps coming out of your mouth!

NASCAR fans were expectantly outraged at Representative Thompson's stupid "suggestion," and rightfully so. One can hardly let such vapid stupidity go unchallenged. Said North Carolina Representative Patrick McHenry (cool name) and himself an ardent NASCAR fan, "It's the NASCAR fans who should get immunized against Washington officials, not the other way around." Trust me, if there was such a shot available, I'd be pulling my pants down in front of Bennie right now! Better yet, let me loose in Washington and within a week's time I would have wielded my avenging iron skillet through the hallowed halls of Congress, knocking even further senseless these indignant and self-righteous idiots back to the backwaters from whence they came. Bonk!! Bonk!! Bonk!! "Your empty cranium has a nice ring to it, Bennie."