"They're At It Again..."

This is a photograph of the city hall for Kenneth City, Florida, the location where some of the most inane, idiotic and ridiculous, small town government decisions continue to be made as a matter of protocol. To classify Kenneth City as a "city," in the true sense of the word, is comparable to suggesting that a postage stamp is equivalent to a billboard, so minuscule are the outer boundaries of this burg. However, don't let it's 0.7 square mile size and it's fledgling 4,400 population of year-round and seasonal residents fool you into assuming that within the walls of city hall there doesn't lurk a certifiable collection of elected and employed government officials with accompanying gigantic egos that rival any government institution.

Several months ago I wrote a dissertation on one of the city's hotly debated and publicized issues, the passing of an ordinance prohibiting any person within the city limit's from distributing food sources to wild life. The original intent of the ordinance was to discourage the citizens from feeding the marauding flocks of Muscovy ducks, whose unchecked and rampant proliferation habits lead understandably to their equally undesirable habit of leaving their less than desirable calling cards all over citizen's lawns. Ever ready to make a simple matter of resolution into a full fledged debacle, the city leader's drafted a proposed ordinance that not only made it a misdemeanor to purposefully feed the Muscovy ducks, but any creature...fowl or foot. So unfavorably was this proposal greeted by the citizens that the entire police force (numbering somewhere in the neighborhood of two) were assigned to keep order during the public meeting of the city council to discuss this matter. Rumor has it that there are now some pretty gaunt looking squirrels banding together to gather signatures from all the non-Muscovy wildlife to petition the council to resend that ordinance.

Not being satisfied with the bad press garnered from the Muscovy duck calamity, the city officials turned their undivided and muddled attention to two more community issues to disembowel. The first being the "neatness ordinance." Problem...within the town's limits there exists several noted properties that were deemed to be in need of repair. Simple solution...require the owner's of said property to make the necessary repair(s) so as to satisfy the local codes governing such matters. Kenneth City's solution...require property owner's to not only make the repairs to those areas of the structure in need of attention, but to also require that the entire building be brought up to community standards, which turned out to mean, after the ordinance was drafted, that if a property had a one square foot section of exterior wall with pealing paint, not only was that section to be painted, but the entire building was to receive a new paint job. And, kind gentlemen and fair ladies, the ordinance didn't stop at the building's front door. Oh no. The ordinance also stated that city code officials had the unencumbered right to enter one's property's interior to determine if any portion of those spaces were also in need of repair(s), and should such an arbitrary inspection detect said issues, the city had the enforceable "right" to require the owner to make specified repairs to rectify. This exercise in over-reaching by the elected officials understandably infuriated the citizenry who, in a open forum to discuss the ill conceived ordinance, let loose a ton of irate outrage that hit the proverbial fan for the better part of two hours. You'd think these small-minded despots would learn their lesson, but apparently not...

Let's talk about fair and open elections...Kenneth City style. On March 10th the citizens will go to the polls to elect their mayor. One of the more popular candidates that has filed for the position is Teresa Zemaitis, who, as a high school teacher, is an employee of Pinellas County, the county in which Kenneth City is located. The town clerk informed Miss. Zemaitis that she would have to either drop out of the mayoral race or resign her teaching position because "the town charter prohibits public employees from serving as mayor." To Miss. Zemaitis credit, she refused to do either, stating correctly that she is a candidate and not yet the mayor. Semantics, yes, but on point. Under the rallying cry of "take your city back," (all 0.7 square miles of it!) 80 residents crowded the recent council meeting to demand that a charter change be adopted that would permit public school teachers to serve as mayor if elected....to no avail. Town attorney Paul Marino withstood two hours of constant harangue and his shaky ground by saying an emphatic "no" to every suggestion offered to overcome the stalemate as being impossible to implement for one reason or another. In an attempt to save face and appease the disgruntled citizens, the council decided to toss the question to the State of Florida's Attorney General for his opinion. So far the only good thing that has emerged from this latest Kenneth City fiasco is that Mr. Marino has announced his intention to retire as the city's attorney. Smart man.

Is there nothing I can say that reflects well on the governing body of Kenneth City? Well actually, yes. Number one I am glad I am not a fellow citizen of that town and number two, I am most appreciative of the bumbling antics that these local Harry Reed and Nancy Pelosi wannabes provide me in the form of fodder for my blog. You can't make up this stuff.