"Here's Lookin' Up Your Old Address!!"

On my wedding day, almost a quarter of a century ago, I tipped the scales at a whopping 135 pounds "soaking wet and carrying a pocket full of rocks." Gone are those days, having fled along with my once proud athletic prowess and my enviable full head of dark hair. Today my 29 inch waist slacks and my collection of size 39 pastel sports jackets hang forever abandoned in a dark closet, never to see the light of day again.

Since I turned forty my body weight has steadily increased with each passing year. On one previous occasion I weighted 22o pounds! I knew it was time to get serious about losing some of the excess bulk when my bathroom scales screamed out at me one morning, "For God's sakes man...get off!!" Through a diligently pursued diet, I managed to trim down to 176. Were not eating as easy as stuffing my face on a consistent basis I probably could have maintained that weight. But, alas, the call of mashed potatoes and Oreo cookies has overtaken and steadily defeated my resolve. Now I am just shade under 200 pounds. I am now in pursuit once again of a more reasonable weight.

To accomplish any worthy goal one must establish guidelines. One of the hardest to habitually adopt was to no longer frequent Burger King for lunch each day. I was so well known in one particular Burger King that seeing me come through the front door was the signal for the staff to spring into action and prepare my daily helping of a king-sized double cheese burger, replete with extra large fries and large soft-drink. Should business commitments preclude my making my daily visit for several days in a row, the store manager advised me that he had seriously considered sending out search dogs to determine my whereabouts. Now no longer do I make a daily pilgrimage to BK, but have opted instead to become an ardent adherent to the Subway Jarred Diet. Proudly I can now proclaim some small notoriety at Subway for, without fail, I always order a six inch tuna on wheat with lettuce, tomato and black olives. It seems to be working. I am losing weight steadily, and with my wife's adherence to the South Beach diet selections, my evening meals are also protein filled and fat free. I only ask my dear wife never to reveal to me what exactly she is substituting for what otherwise would be "real food." I had no idea how many other food items can be manipulated into disguising themselves as authentic mashed potatoes!

My goal...again? Somewhere in the neighborhood of 185 pounds. Fortunately I have never lost total sight of my feet, but the buldge around my middle continues to give me wife voiced concern. "Think we may need to add a hole in your belt there Butch?" One of her basic needs is to have an attractive spouse. She certainly is most attractive, and as long as Subway remains open I believe I can achieve her heart's desire. It isn't going to be easy, but I'm determined. However, when it comes to Oreo cookies, that's where I draw the line! A man's got to do what a man's got to do!