"And Now For A Little R & R..."

Everyone take a d-e-e-e-p breath... Sigh... It's official. Another Christmas is in the books. I hope yours was as enjoyable as was mine. Presents were opened, greatly admired and genuinely appreciated. Mother-In-Law Francis was our guest, and although her mental acuity is fading fast, she seemed to have an enjoyable time...especially having granddaughter Megan fawn all over her. Distant family and friends were contacted and holiday pleasantries were exchanged. Even our two cats were presented with a present...from which they instantly fled in abject fear. I guess a raccoon's tail chasing a gyrating ball isn't exactly their idea of a fun gift. Mother Judi prepared and we consumed a most delectable meal that left everyone pleasantly sated. All in all a bang up, good cheer Christmas.

And now that the hustle and bustle of preparing for the Christmas holiday is behind us, Judi and I leave tomorrow afternoon for a much deserved and long over due four day reprieve from our day-to-day responsibilities. To St. Augustine we are bound. The city's festival of lights is still on-going and there is a king-sized bed awaiting us there where we shall slumber in peaceful bliss until the spirit moves us to welcome a new day. No cell phones...no emails...no worries.

So, until we return late Sunday evening, I will be placing my blog maintenance on hold. Perhaps the trip will provide subject matter for future observations, which hopefully shall be determined to be of some entertainment value. I might even share a few photographs taken with my new digital camera. But then again, maybe not. There's nothing quite like trotting out a few dozen candid shots of a person's vacation to bore the crap out of people...

"Here's one of me and the little misses standing beneath the left nostril of Chief Beerbelly. And here's another one of the black bear that climbed into the back seat of our car and mauled Aunt Saddie. This last one is of Aunt Saddie just after she was released from the hospital. You can just make out her eyes and mouth peeking through the bandages."

I promise I won't put anyone through that kind of self-indulgent torture. Unless it's just down right hilarious. Later...

"A Failure To Communicate..."

When musing about what to title this entry I remembered one of the most memorable lines of dialogue from one of my most favorite movies, "Cool Hand Luke," in which the "Captain" is addressing the prisoners, including most mature women's heartthrob, Paul Newman. And I quote," What we have here is a failure to communicate." This about sums up my feelings this morning, having just spoken to daughter Megan regarding her conversation with Dell Computers.

It has now been confirmed that Judi's laptop computer, that I wished to present her on Christmas morning, will not be delivered today...the day before Christmas...but shall be delivered "some time by mid-January." My reaction? And I quote, "Well, that's great! That's just super! Crap!!" Or words to that effect. Apparently my previous conversation with the Dell representative from Bangladesh, who promised me in her broken English, that the computer would be delivered in plenty of time for Christmas failed to mention which Christmas she had in mind. I am thoroughly disappointed to say the least.

According to Megan, the $20.00 we spent to have the instrument shipped to her address in two business days was a "miscommunication on their part." No hock, Sherlock! It seems that half the nation decided to order Dell computers the last week before Christmas and this turn of events threw their production schedules into a tizzy. It's a nice problem for them to have...no so much for me. Had not their WEB site stated that two day delivery could be anticipated and had I not been assured by Dell-Bangladesh that that would indeed be the case, I would have made other arrangements to secure Judi's most wanted gift through another venue. Yea...and if soup were nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Dell now promises, for what that may be worth, to up-grade our shipping to "next day" whenever the computer is ready to ship. Thanks a lot.

What to do? Megan and I decided that after Mom opens up all her other presents (She's still getting her iPod), we'll take her into where the desktop computer is located in the house and pull up Dell's WEB site and show her the laptop she eventually will receive. To me that's like a child on Christmas morning who has asked for a bicycle for Christmas only to open a present that contains a picture of the bicycle he so had his heart set on. It's hard to ride around the neighborhood on a picture. But it is what it is and there's nothing I can do to change it. The virtual thing will have to suffice for the time being.

Still...I'm disappointed. Boy, if I could get that Dell Lady from Bangladesh back on the phone I'd give her a piece of my mind...all in the spirit of Christmas, don't you know.

LFB: "Dell Computers. How may I help you?"

Me: "I want my $20.00 back!"

LFB: "With whom do I speak?"

Me: "Jim, from St. Petersburg, Florida. You remember me don't you? Megan's Dad."

LFB: "Who?"

Me: "I ordered laptop computer and you promised two day delivery. Now I'm being told it won't be delivered until the middle of January. I want my two-day $20.o0 shipping fee returned."

LFB: "I not have your $20.00. I can't help you."

Me: "I'm sending a representative from my personal collection agency to retrieve my $20.00. His name is Guido. He has a bad disposition and won't take 'No' for an answer. Expect him this afternoon. Have the money ready...or else!"

LFB: "What?"

Me: "Merry Christmas."

Click.

I feel better already.

"Merry Christmas"

A Family Tradition...A Family Portrait In Front Our Christmas Tree

Not unlike thousands of other proud families, we too wish to record for prosperity a record of our family at Christmas. Above is our effort for this year. We clean up pretty good don't we?

I am thankful to have been blessed yet again this past year with a wonderful wife and daughter. It is family that makes Christmas the joy that it should be. Together our family gives thanks for each other and a shared belief that this special season is only possible because the God who created the universe so loved and revered His special creations that He sent His Son to dwell among us, to teach us about the Father, and open up a gateway for all to seek and secure a Heavenly home that shall be eternal. We celebrate His birth and we celebrate the blessing of His love that dwells in our family's heart for Him and for each other.

We pray that your heart's will be filled with all of the joys of the season and that God will enter into your home and bless it beyond measure. Merry Christmas...

"The Christmas Reindeer Has Landed!!"

If one compares my Christmas bonus with that of say the CEO of Exxon, my piddly sum wouldn't even begin to pay a portion of the taxes on their year-end windfall. But I am most pleased and thankful with my employer's largess...especially since this summer there were rumors of layoffs throughout our company...mine included. Just maintaining steady employment is a blessing for which I am most thankful, and having a little extra "Christmas money" to spend on my loved ones most certainly "makes the season brighter."

The check has been cashed and with the most appreciated assistance of daughter Megan, Mom's wish list has been fulfilled. Number one on Judi's "wants" list is a laptop computer to be utilized in furthering her expanding real estate investment career. We ordered "on-line" from Dell. It is suppose to arrive at Megan's residence today or tomorrow. I'm skeptical of that occurring, especially after my telephone conversation yesterday with a Dell representative...

Me: "Jim Latchford speaking. How may I help you?" (The phone call came in on my business cell phone, so I always answer an in-coming call in that manner.)

Lady From Bangladesh: "This be Megan?"

Me: "No, this be her Father."

LFD: "This not Megan?"

Me: "No Ma'am. I am her Father, Jim."

LFD: "Is Megan there?"

Me: "Is Megan where?" (I'm getting into the flow of the coversation now.)

LFD: "I wish to speak to Megan. She ordered computer. No?"

Me: "No. I order computer. I order computer with my credit card."

LFB: "She have no credit card?"

Me: "Yes. J.C. Penny. Will that help?"

LFB: "I not know J. C. Penny. Not on my order form. She order computer too?"

Me: "No that I am aware of."

LFB: "I am confused! (No kidding...)

Me: "I order computer. Me. Jim Latchford. The person you are talking to right now."

LFB: "You order computer?"

Me: "Yes. I order laptop computer with my credit card."

LFB: "Megan not order computer."

Me: "Yes. Correct. I order computer. I wish to have computer shipped to my daughter Megan's home address."

LFB: "Megan not there? She somewhere else?"

Me: "We need to forget about Megan. She not order computer. I order computer."

LFB: "Okay, you order computer. What your name?"

And this stimulating conversation carried on for another five minutes. I think I finally convinced the Lady from Bangladesh that I had indeed ordered a computer, with my credit card, and it is to be shipped to my daughter's home address...I think. We'll see.

LFB: "Thank you for purchasing Dell Computer. Happy Holidays."

Me: "Thank you. Merry Christmas to you too. And by the way..."

LFB: "Yes?"

Me: "Megan says ,"Happy Holidays to you too."

LFB: "Megan there?"

Click.

"Gateway To Wisdom...Portal To Knowledge"

In this month's issue of The NEW YORKER appears a critical article entitled, "Twilight of the Books," in which the author examines the decline of book readership in America. In 1937 twenty-nine percent of American adults were avid book readers. By 1955 that percentage had dropped to seventeen percent. Beginning in 1982 the National Endowment for the Arts began in earnest board based national surveys to determine quantitatively how much Americans are reading and what. In 1982 56.9 percent of those solicited to respond to the survey reported that in the previous twelve months they had read some form of creative literature. By 1994 the percentage who had done so fell to fifty-four percent, and by 2002 the percentage dropped still further to 46.7. Last month's N.E.A report surmised that the continuing steady decline in America's reading habits have detrimental consequences: "Poor reading skills correlates heavily with lack of employment, lower wages, and fewer opportunities for advancement."

Even more alarming are the indications that Americans are losing not only the will to read, but the ability. The Department of Education noted that although our nation's fourth and fifth graders have moderately improved their reading skills in the past decade, America's twelfth graders are, as a whole, mimicking the general adult population; their reading skills dropping five proficiency points between 1992 and 2000 from forty to thirty-five percent. Sixty-five percent of our nation's graduating high school seniors lack the basic comprehensive reading skills to effectively and productively compete in today's marketplace. The percentage of Americans who read literature is steadily declining not only in every age group, but in every generation. "We are reading less as we age, and we are reading far less than people who were our age ten and twenty years ago."

"Why?" In a word, television, the world-wide elixir of the masses whereby we are spoon fed what we are to perceive about the world and our place in it. Critical analysis has given way to five second sound bites and thirty minute situational comedies. Nightly news broadcast are packaged in generalized, pre-scripted monologues and digested as uncontested truth. No matters of public import can ever be considered "fair and balanced" when consumed in three minute increments. Conversations around the water cooler elevate themselves no higher than the latest Hollywood scandal, American Idol contestant results, and the Sopranos. We have turned our minds over to mass media outlets who make it their business to know more about us than we know about ourselves. We are manipulated into opinions and mindsets not of our own devising, but calculated to obtain a desired end result based on carefully crafted focus groups. It is far easier to nod in agreement than to question the basis on which we are being asked to consume the fodder to which we are being relentlessly bombarded.

Entertainment for entertainment's sake is not to be considered detrimental to our intellectual well-being in and of itself. It is only when the consumption of these offerings become the only means by which we weakly stimulate our minds that we run the real risk of losing touch with what it real and of value. My sixth grade teacher challenged me to explore the world beyond my very limited rural North Carolina understanding by presenting me with her personal copy of Victor Hugo's Les Misearbles. "Read this," she said. "It will change your life." At 520 pages in length, I was convinced that if I lived two life-times I would never finish that "stupid book!" I couldn't put the book down once I began. She was right. That book changed my life. I have been exploring distant horizons through the written word ever since. It is my hope that when I take my last breath upon this earth, those who find me will discover that I am clutching an open book upon my lap. Read! The whole world lies within the covers of a good book.

"Well, I'll Be Darn..."

This past Friday one of my consulting clients presented me with a $300.00 gift card to Nordstrom. Being the prolific, proficient and prodigious shopper that I am, I instantly recognized this name brand as one of the most prestigious and premiere retail outlets (five Ps in one sentence...don't you just love alliteration?) . Thought I, "Sounds to me like a place to buy expensive furniture." (So much for being a seasoned shopper. If it ain't Home Depot or the local super market, I'm basically clueless.)

But being a firm believer that if one needs to know anything at all one need only type in the word "G-O-O-G-L-E," then the particular area of interest, and "Presto!," one has the information sought after. Once I worked my way to Nordstrom's main page, I typed in "Men's Apparel," thinking perhaps that I would browse around their dress shirt offerings. That turned out to be a short browse. They have plenty of shirts...mostly in the $100.00 and up range. You do the math. I'm thinking, "I just want to purchase a few nice dress shirts. I don't want to buy stock in the company!" Now what?

Idea... Why not be really smart and let Judi have the entire gift card amount to purchase for herself (at my behest and certainly with my blessings) some really nice quality lingerie? (Some times I amaze even myself with my brilliance!!) So...I sundered over to Nordstrom's lingerie section on their WEB site to have a look around. Let's just say that I browsed there a wee bit longer that I lingered in Men's Shirts. The possibilities are endless, I must say. Re-doing the math, I am assuming that with some select purchases she will fair far better than would I, perhaps my being only able, with any luck, to exit the store with maybe two shirts and a reduced priced necktie.

I presented her with the card later than evening and explained how I had arrived at my painstaking decision..telling her about the two shirts and a tie scenario. With a twinkle in her eye, she said, "Are you sure?" "Absolutely," said I, matching her twinkle and raising her a sly grin. "I do so gladly," I continued, "but under two conditions. #1) Don't buy anything practical, and #2) stay away from any clothing article that has the word 'flannel' associated with it!" (We spark whenever she wears flannel night clothes and it has nothing to do with being amorous). "It's a deal," she replied, and placed her new lease on shopping adventure in her breast pocket...a good place to start.

I'm expecting a very Merry Christmas and the prospect for a wonderful New Year.

"Reality Check..."

At 17 he was a "man-child," standing 6'-2" tall, weighing in at over 200 pounds, all muscle, and still growing. I use to joke with his Dad by asking how often he had to change the light bulb in the refrigerator, believing his son, Jason, must live to eat when he wasn't playing sports. Jason played high school football and was good enough to win a scholarship to play on the college level. I coached him in basketball. He was a terror. No one could rebound like Jason. He believed that every ball coming off the rim belonged to him. Most did. We won two champions with Jason on the team. In college Jason became a member of the ROTC. He graduated with honors, got married and entered the Army as a second Lieutenant. His first tour of duty was in Afghanistan. He was promoted to through the ranks to Captain. He is now serving in Iraq.

Yesterday, having just arrived home from church, I received a telephone call from his Dad, Rich."Jason's unit had been attacked. There are fatalities and wounded. We don't know about Jason. Please pray." I immediately passed this most disturbing and alarming news along to my fellow Deacons, asking them to also be in prayer and spread the news to others who know Jason and his family. We all prayed...and we waited.

This morning we received an update. "Jason is okay. Not wounded. No further news on the condition of his troops. Continue to pray." We are thankful and praise God for Jason's deliverance from harm's way. And we continue to pray...

At this time of holiday preparations for joyous gathering of family and friends, it is easy to become consumed with the many seemingly endless tasks and details of getting everything "just so" that we understandably become disconnected from the trails, tribulations and disquieting fears that are the watchwords for other families and friends who wait in trepidation for a similar phone call they hope they never receive. All across this far-flung world are men and women in our military branches of service who stand as the camouflaged line between us and tyranny beyond, who will quietly celebrate a homesick Christmas with their weapon at the ready by their side and a ready prayer in their heart. Come this Christmas morning a child who once leaped joyously around the Christmas tree in years past will be absent from their midst...and their loved ones so dear shall pray for their eventual homecoming. Some will return with memories too painful to share. Some will return with wounds that will take many Christmases to heal, if ever. Some, will never return and only their memories shall linger as small comfort at Christmas times yet to come. And many, I pray, will return in full health, standing tall and proud for having served this nation with unquestioned honor.

Whether you agree in the name of all that is patriotic that our "war on terror" is a defensive necessity or vehemently oppose our involvement, remember this Christmas season there are thousands of men and women who hail from families just like ours all across this vast land we call home who do not question why, but daily stand firm in their duty and devotion to country so that come Christmas morning our celebration shall be one of peace and joy. That is their gift to us. Let our gift to them be our unwavering voiced appreciation and our continuing prayers for their protection. My friend Jason gives no less. He expects no more from us. Merry Christmas