"Friends Don't Let Friends..."

Fill in the blank. But in particular, this friend doesn't let my good blogging buddy Coffeypot slide without a stern warning regarding his previously reported "nothing serious" chest pains and sore arm that he has been experiencing for the past three months. Such warning signs are not to be regarded as one would regard a traffic signal that has turned from green to yellow. At the very least you are to proceed with caution and it is far better if you opt to come to a full stop! I am no doctor, but I am speaking from personal experience. Ignore those signs at your own peril. I did so back in 2004 and ended up having a heart attack. So much for being a macho male and telling myself "It'll go away." The result was I almost went away...permanently.

I am putting forth this personal message of concern post Coffeypot's initial blog entry regarding his present health concerns, having been wrapped up in my own efforts to recover from heart issues. I didn't have the mental stamina to sit in front of my computer to check in on all my blogger favorites. When I did get back to catching up, Coffeypot's September 6th post jumped out at me with great alarm. Been there, done that, and have a large T-shirt that proclaims "Lucky Heart Attack Survivor!" I would just as soon my good friend Coffeypot never gets personally fitted for one of these articles of apparel. You sir, have been sternly (and compassionately) warned.

(P.S. For some reason, I am now unable to access your email, Coffeypot, from your profile. I'm receiving a notice that the default mail client is not properly installed. I think the problem is on my end, but I have no idea how to correct the problem. Request... Coffeypot (and Martha) please send me an email to my email address so that I may add you both into my email address book. Thanks guys...)

"What Do You Want To Hear First...

the good news or the less than good news?" That was the question posed to me by my cardiologist early this week during my post-operative visit. Seems my latest EKG is indicating that I have a condition know as Atrial Flutter. In layman's terms, an occasional irregular heartbeat. Seems my new reconditioned plumbing is okay, but my electrical system needs tweaking. Great!

"Okay Doc, what does one do to correct this condition? " We put you on the blood thinner Coumadin for a month in order to thin your blood to the point where we can then perform a Catheter Ablation." (Well, that made perfectly good sense to me!) "Talk down to me Doc. Reduce it to its lowest common denominator." "We go in through your groin (I'm ALREADY not liking what I am hearing), insert a catheter that travels to your heart (It's getting better by the second!), on the end of which there is a probe that will cauterize (BURN!!) the defective nerve that is sending the incorrect signals to that portion of the heart that is beating irregularly. This should correct the problem once and for all." Notice he used the word "should," not "will."

Next question... "What is the downside if I elect not to go forward with this procedure? "Well, it's not going to get any better and most likely will get worse. You could learn to live with the condition or the condition could worsen to the point where you would have a heart attack." "Isn't this where I came in a couple of months ago when you announced that my 'skinny arteries' could lead to a massive heart attack? " I strongly suspect he knew that that was a rhetorical question. He answered "Yes" anyway just to appease me.

So, apparently I'm not quite out of the proverbial woods yet, but hopefully headed more permanently in that direction. My attitude continues to be the same as it was prior to entering the hospital for the by-pass surgery; "It will be what it will be and I will emerge just fine." At least they won't find it necessary to open me up like a can of sardines, although I am thinking seriously about getting a tattoo on my inner left thigh that says "Insert Catheter Here!!" I do know this, I am getting tired if not bored about blogging about my on-going medical condition. I'd much prefer to talk about other more interesting topics...like politics. On second thought...maybe my medical condition IS much more interesting than that mess!!

For now...I'm off to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa to take in this evening's college football game between our home town University of South Florida Bulls and the Kansas University Jayhawks. There's nothing quite like sitting among 65,000 screaming football fans to get the old heart pumpin'. Hum-m-m-m, maybe I ought to give that idea some more careful consideration. Later...

"Punxsutawney Phil...

has nothing on me." Seems I, like this precocious beaver, had grandiose aspirations of coming out of hibernation to embrace a new season of promise only to see his shadow and retreat reluctantly back into the comfort of his burrow for a few additional weeks of solitude. So has it been with me. My desire to pick up once again with regular entries to this blog that was my practice prior to my surgery has been reluctantly curtailed during the past several weeks due to my body's continuing need to stay focused on regaining the strength I need to again burst forth to embrace a new a season of promise and opportunity. I think I am out of my personal burrow this time to stay.

I am still experiencing some lingering discomfort on the left hand side of my chest, in my neck and along the inner portion of my upper left arm, but all is bearable and "to be expected" according to my surgeon. A couple of Advils a couple of times a day seems to address those physical issues. I still find that I tire easily (also "to be expected"), which finds me giving in to the urge to take importune naps throughout the day. Haven't taking these many afternoon siestas since I was in kindergarten! Not un-welcomed believe me, but it sure puts a hole in one's day.

My mental acuity continues to steadily improve. I am thinking more clearly, but there remains still a noticeable lag between the brain and the finger tips. My inner dictionary and thesaurus have suffered little from non-use, but knowing the words and remembering how to spell them are still divided by a rather annoying chasm. Can I get an "Amen" for Spell Check? Practice makes perfect, so the more I continue to engage the old cranium to perform mental gymnastics the quicker I will be back to putting together cogent thoughts verbally and on paper. There's nothing more frustrating than to be engaged in a conversation and to suddenly go blank trying to think of the next series of thoughts that were so crystal clear just a moment ago. Gee...I hope that is related to my surgery recovery and is not to be attributed to my just getting on in years. Oh well...

Hopefully I will continue to find the daily renewal of physical and mental strength to again engage more frequently in this exercise of communicating my random thoughts on random subjects if for no one elses benefit but my own. In the mean time I think I am over due for another afternoon rendezvous with the living room couch. Later...but hopefully not too much later.

"Well, Good Morning Fay..."

Looks like the Tampa Bay region of Florida has again missed the brunt of yet another seasonal storm, this time tropical depression Fay, she having come ashore this morning just south of Naples, about two and a half hours south of St. Petersburg as the seagull flies. Judi and I have just returned from my recommended morning constitutional, wherein I am suppose to walk briskly for 20 minutes, three times a day. Though it best to try and get in our morning session before the outer bands of Ms. Fay sweep as predicted westward and we are socked in with rain squalls for the balance of the afternoon. Not to worry...except for the occasional tornado we should weather this storm just fine.

It is at times difficult for me to comprehend that a little over two weeks ago I was flat on my back recovering from open heart surgery, believing I was on death's doorstep and hurting bad enough to be looking for the key. Today I am sitting up right and taking occasional nourishment! Actually, I'm progressing most remarkably and must temper my desire to become increasingly active with the knowledge that my spirits may dictate otherwise, but my body is far from ready to enter the next 100 meter heat in the Olympics. My constant reminder of days past is the continuing discomfort in my chest, especially around the incision. The sternum has a number of weeks left to heal completely, which I am reminded of when I absentmindedly again make a sudden involuntary move that sends spikes of pain to my conscience, which in turn screams, "Are you crazy!?! Don't do that again!!"

I also continue to struggle with my mental acumen. Had I mentioned that before? I've forgotten... Seriously...I am far less then my usual witting self, which is probably a blessing to those who would otherwise classify my self-proclaimed "quick wit" as being a profound smart ass. Enjoy it while you can my detractors, now with more oxygenated blood pumping through my heart and into my brain, I'll be even sharper than before. In the mean time...what were we just talking about?

Enough for now... Somewhere in yon room awaits a couch with an indention that perfectly fits my soon to be reclining body. Here's hoping that Fay expends her energy soon and the bright tropical blue skys of sunny central Flordia again hold sway.

"Emerging From The Fog..."

I have been eager to again resume a regular schedule of posts to this blog, but that intention has not been sufficient enough to give feet to my desire. I feel as though I am wadding through waist deep muck, so noticeably slow are my mental faculties. Just comprising these few sentences taxes me beyond description. The words seem clear enough in my mind, but their translation to visual form come stumbling from my fingers as I attempt give them birth. They made so much sense when I first thought them. What happened between the synapse? I am not familiar with this current mental state. It requires me to expend too much labor to given voice to even the simplest idea. I am in a mental fog and everything looks the same.

Trust me when I tell you that I will be thrilled when I again have difficulty deciding which of several phrases best conveys my thought, rather than in my current mental state when I sift through word after word as though they were brand new to me only to be lost in the moments of uncertainty and indecision. If this is an example of how the mind of Alzheimer's patients function then God bless 'em. To be uncertain about such trivial things as how to engage in social interaction must be so bewildering. I feel that way at the moment...kind of just stumbling along and letting life pull me in whatever direction the path of least resistance dictates. I miss being alert and on top of my game.

I have been assured that these feelings of mental fatigue are to be attributed to the massive amount of anesthetics that were administered to me during my six hours of surgery. That in time the effects will dissipate. Good thing the doctors won't let me behind the wheel of a motor vehicle for another four weeks. I can't even drive a stationary keyboard. Y'all count your blessings that I am sequestered away under the ever vigilant watch care of my lovely wife. Later...

"If Patience Is A Virtue...

Then I'm in need of a transfusion!" I'm back, but I can't say none the worse for wear. If what I have experienced over the past week is anything akin to being run over repeatedly by a herd of stampeding elephants then count me out as wishing to sign up for the next scheduled safari. What was initially to be a single by-pass and a cursory inspection of the rest of the plumbing, turned out to be a triple. Does a single by-pass inflict any less pain than a triple? Couldn't prove it by me one way or the other. Sort of like asking does it hurt any less than to stub your toe against the night stand as opposed to dropping one of Tom Clancy's novels on your toe? One is still writhing in pain regardless of the source.

Here's the bottom line friends...I've got the worse of this ordeal behind me. Now all I need do is be patient and let the full healing that must occur take effect. That is going to be difficult for me because being idle in not in my genetic make-up. So for all of you who lifted up prayers on my behalf, thank you so very much. They sustained me during the darkest hours and they sustain me still. I shall count on them until I am back to full and glorious health once again. Keep my beloved Judi in your thoughts also, as I may, for the most part, make a pretty good husband, but I am a lousy patient. Looking forward to the day soon to when she and I can again take long walks at sunset along the beach...and the hair has grown back in on my chest!! Now there's a visual!

"And Now A Word From My Sponsor..."

Where to begin... I am now less than two days away from entering the hospital come this Monday morning at 5:30 a.m.to undergo a five hour heart by-pass procedure. Although I have had a whirlwind of pre-operative activities these past two weeks...EKG, blood test, x-rays, etc. - I have managed to keep my mind occupied with other than dwelling on the looming certainty that for the next four to five weeks I am going to be reduced to the totally unfamiliar state of inactivity punctuated by an initial period of physical discomfort. I have resigned myself to that fact, but it doesn't take away that ever present sense of foreboding, knowing that even though I tolerate pain rather well, when it is persistent and unrelenting, my patient and tolerance grows very thin. As the saying goes,"It is what it is," and I will bear up and deal with it.

Even though the surgery in its aftermath is certainly foremost in the immediacy of my coming days and weeks, my largest and most nagging concerns resolves around the fact that as of yesterday I will have no weekly income, having been "laid off" from my job. I'm not bitter about that turn of events. The company I worked for has but five employees and it is, therefore, economically untenable for my employer to continue to pay my weekly salary when there is barely enough cash reserves in these continuing hard economic times to sustain day-to-day operations. My employer is continuing to underwrite my health insurance that is costing him over a thousand dollars a month, for which I am most grateful. Otherwise, Judi and I would be facing economic ruin.

I would be a liar if I didn't admit that I am carrying a certain level of anxiety into these coming days and weeks, but I also maintain an prevailing sense of peace that everything will work out, that the God that I love and trust and believe in will sustain us through these difficult times. As a proof of His watch care, I played golf this past Thursday with my senior pastor and our minister of worship. Throughout the round they badgered me lovingly with questions of my mental outlook and prospects for the future. I relayed to them off-handily that I was facing a $400.00 co-pay for my hospital stay plus other incidental expenses that Judi and I would have to pay ourselves out of pocket. The following day, as I was assisting our church's maintenance staff in their efforts to secure favorable vendor proposals to up-grade the facility's fire alarm system, I was invited to step into the administrative director's office at the conclusion of that meeting, where I was greeted again by my "golfing buddies" and told that all "out-of-pocket" medical expenses would be underwritten in full by my church. "This church loves you, Jim. You have for years given so unselfishly in some many incalculable ways to the welfare of this church and it's family of members. You are family and we take care of family." A wonderful and most unexpected gesture of human kindness, or an answer to prayer? Both!

You see...I have long ago given up trusting in fate, but have never given up in trusting in my faith. God has time and time again lead me through many past shadow valleys and said to me in His still quite voice, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Your full rewards are truly in Heaven, but while you remain as my servant here on earth I am your ever faithful care giver and provider." So even though I face an unpleasant immediate future my rewards are assured. And for this I am truly thankful.

For the time being I say to all who visit this attempt at being a genuine fellow traveler in this journey called life, I must sign off for what I pray will be for a short respite, only to come back again better than ever and to celebrate my recovery and new heath with you all. Peace and may God find you worthy of all that He so lovingly bestows on you as blessings.